I recently read an article in the New York Times by Darby Saxbe, a clinical psychologist and a professor of psychology at the University of Southern California. Dr. Saxbe raises the question of whether today's parenting in "industrialized societies" is overdoing it with its over-protective approach, constant supervision, and tightly structured waking hours for children. She writes that "in the precious time when we’re not working, we place our children at the center of our attention, consciously engaging and entertaining them. We drive them around to sports practice and music lessons, where they are observed and monitored by adults, rather than the other way around." She compares this to children being raised in more traditional and hunter-gatherer societies where they "spend lots of time with their parents — they tag along throughout the day and often help with tasks like foraging — but they are rarely the main object of their parents’ attention. Sometimes bored, sometimes engaged, these kids spend much of their time observing adults doing adult things."
Having said that it must be noted that the cultural contexts within which children in both kinds of societies are raised and educated are so different, each with a unique set of structural challenges and life goals. Children have to be equipped with the knowledge and skills that will enable them to thrive and succeed in each of their realities. I think back to how my children were raised during their early childhood days in India. They had more freedom and less supervision, more opportunity for free outdoor play, fewer commercial toys, way less screen time, they invented their own games, got together with neighborhood friends without grown-ups having to schedule play dates, were not reachable by cell phones or Apple watches, and couldn't wait to get their homework finished and rush to play outside in the park or any vacant plot of land that was available in our residential colony. Parents were often unaware of where their children were and I remember walking out into the neighborhood searching for them if I needed them to come home. In contrast, I see my young grand-children living a different kind of childhood in the US. Most striking is how screens have captivated them whether it is on a computer or a TV or a watch or an IPad - one has to implore them to go and play outside! Their parents are much more involved in scheduling their lives when they're not in school with carefully thought out play dates, sleep overs, car pools to sports and cultural activities, and hosting parties and get-togethers for their children's friends and their parents to hang out and socialize.
But of course, the cultural and temporal contexts of the childhoods of my sons and grandsons couldn't be more different: India in the 1980s vs America in the 2020s. The societal pressures are completely different. However, I do think there is pause for thought in the concerns that Dr. Saxbe raises in this article. Should we, and can we, step back a little from the constant monitoring and give children a bit more freedom to "be"? And can that even be possible today in an urban and suburban world that is marked with so many more dangers?
I am sharing the link to the NY Times article referenced here which is titled Parents Should Ignore Their Children More Often by Darby Saxbe, published on September 15, 2024: